In quiet hours they visit me
when day is far behind me.
Uncanny, how they always seem
relentlessly to find me.

They cause my heart to burn once more
I feel my eyelids swell.
They bring the aching in my bones;
The pain I know too well.

With these tears of longing I recall
the days of happiness.
My babies underneath my wings;
to cuddle and caress.

We danced and sang and carried on
with not the slightest care.
The world was somehow not so bleak
as long as they were there.

I taught them everything I knew
To make them wise and strong.
But still somehow along the way
it went so very wrong.

A separation, then divorce
turned us inside out.
Oh where, Dear God, do we go from here?
Please help me figure this thing out.

I kept my babies close to me
and hoped it would be good.
I nurtured them with all my heart;
I tried as best I could.

But job and money both ran out,
a cloud of doom set in.
No matter how I played the game,
it seemed I could not win.

The memories of my childhood days
so full of dark and gloom,
too many kids, no food to eat --
oh, such impending doom.

Shall I allow the awesome weight
of hardship and of strife
to swallow up my precious babes
and take joy from their life?

With grave intrepidation,
I had to let them go.
Their father could provide for them
so they could fully grow.

I prayed the bond would hold them fast
and keep me in their heart.
But religious zealots soon prevailed
and kept us far apart.

With tearful prayers I kept in touch
so they would always know
in spite of what the "elders" say,
mother won't let go.

The sacrifices that I made
to give them a good life
were turned against me - how they cut
sharper than any knife.

The poison of these "holy" men
destroyed all that I built.
The kids think I abandoned them,
now all they see is guilt.

Their trust was shaken to the ground,
They cannot understand.
Their lives are shaped and twisted by
all that the "church" demands.

The years have dragged on drearily
embedding all those lies.
Where is the spark of happines
in my dear children's eyes?

They have it all - materially
they learned their lessons well.
But God forbid, did they forget
their mother's love, pray tell?

Now young adults and free at last,
they broke religion's chain.
But such confusion and contempt -
The hurtful lies remain.

We have a challenge before us now
to sort out what is true.
To step by step reclaim the love
that is long overdue.

A fear of closeness, afraid to trust,
Lord, how do we begin
to undo the tangled web that left
such emptiness within?

The broken dreams of yesterday
can never be repaired.
No use in trying now to find
those happy days we shared.

My trust is only knowing that
our Father has a plan.
We take the lessons one by one
and do the best we can.

Although I humbly now accept
and try to do my part,
the pain is ever present in
my mind and in my heart.

Oh, where have all my children gone?
They are so far away.
The distance between love and deeds
Is more than I can say.

For what is love if not expressed?
How can it become real?
Can thoughts and words be adequate
to show me how they feel?

Occasionally we speak by phone -
so great to hear their voice!
But independently they live;
it seems to be their choice.

So now I watch them growing still,
as each sad day goes by.
And in the wind, the earth can hear
a lonely mother's cry.